nut hugger
I smell stomach acid.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I believe in your delicious
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
