i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
people are starting to question the shark bite story
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
