Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
