she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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