just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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