I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
