You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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