i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
