maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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