She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
