I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
