his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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