so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
