8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
