Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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