am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
