Already got asked if we're dating
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
