I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
