no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
