Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
