i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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