I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
