hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
