Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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