this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
