Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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