cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
