she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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