if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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