No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
