i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
