the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
