we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
