The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
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Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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