Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
