Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
