i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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