omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
