You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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