What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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