God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
