i can't believe i had my finger in that
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
