I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
