yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...