He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
All I want is dick and wine.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
