Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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