the day after is always just damage control
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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