i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
