just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
