I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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