You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
