hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
