we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
