I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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