Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i love accidental penises.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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