we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
