ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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