Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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