My cat gives me a boner
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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