just come out here and I will go home with you...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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