Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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