yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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