wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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