worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
