I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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