yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
