# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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