Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
