I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
