I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
