the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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