It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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