I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
