Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize