i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
