She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
