We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize