At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
