i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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