I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
